Amish Wisdom - Living with disabiities

The first time I ever laid eyes on Ruth, she was sitting on a rocking chair in the dining room reading her Bible. That's the only time I ever saw her not in motion.

Ruth, now in her 40s, lives with her parents, Martha and Isaac. Martha says, "I don't know how I'd manage without her," and I understand why. Any time I've stopped by, Ruth is cleaning up or washing dishes, helping with laundry or canning, sweeping or washing floors, or, if the weather's nice, out weeding in the garden for hours on end. If she can't find anything else to do, she's swatting flies. And all her work is deliberate and purposeful.

And Ruth doesn't wait to be told what to do. For the most part, she knows what needs to be done and does it. She likes to be busy, and she likes order. She doesn't even like garbage on the side of the road. One day she came over to pick something up from me, and her wagon was filled with garbage. When I asked her about it, she said, "Oh, I don't like garbage. I'll take it home and throw it out." Before taking her and Martha somewhere last summer, I didn't think to clean out the backseat of the car, and was embarrassed when she did it for me. And as she got out of the car with an armful of litter, she asked me, "You like garbage?" It wasn't a reproach. She just wondered.

She's also cheerful in her busyness. She and I have become friends, so when I come by, she stops whatever she's doing and rushes over, wreathed in smiles, for a hug. When I ask her how she is, her answer is always the same: "Oh, not too bad, not too bad!"

But Martha is not like other middle-aged women. She is developmentally delayed (I'd guess 8-10 years of age mentally). She also has visual impairment, hearing impairment, and speech impairment, and is already stooped. Yet she's treated the same as everyone else in the family. She participates in whatever is going on, and goes everywhere with Martha. In short, she is fully integrated into her community, and her life seems to be full and meaningful and satisfying.

Mike's twin brothers, also middle-aged and still living at home with their mother, are also developmentally delayed, with visual and speech impairment (I'd estimate 11-12 years of age). But their lives are very different from Ruth's.

They live in a town where they receive support from various agencies. Both hold (sort of) part-time jobs, and used to enjoy bowling. Several times a week, agency workers take them on small trips or shopping excursions and teach them how to cook simple meals. They are clearly the centre of attention, and seem to have no concept of what it is to be self-directed or to be of service to others. And because nothing else is expected of them, every spare minute is spent in their bedroom watching movies and eating whatever candy they've been able to smuggle into the house.

For Ruth, the focus is on her competencies and capabilities. For Mike's brothers, the focus is on their inadequacies.

For Ruth, the emphasis is on how she can help others. For Mike's brothers, the emphasis is on how others can help them.

The Amish life may be simple, but it's clearly anything but backward. They may be onto something.