· This, too, shall pass.
· There’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing wrong
with your son or daughter. There is no “normal.” Whatever either of you is
going through is normal for you.
· You don’t have to believe everything you think.
· Blaming your son or daughter for how you feel won’t make
you feel better. Deal with it, and determine to be a parent who’s confident,
caring, cordial and cheerful.
· You’re not entitled to anything from your sons or
daughters. Deal with that, too. That way you can move on to create the life you
want without expecting anything from anyone but you!
· Criticizing, blaming and complaining will never get you what you want. They’ll
damage your relationships, and they’ll make you unhappy.
· It’s not your job to make your sons and daughters happy.
That’s their job. It’s your job to
make you happy.
· It’s not your job to provide for and protect your sons and
daughters. It’s your job to prepare them
to live on their own.
· It’s not your job to punish or reward. It’s your job to
allow your sons and daughters to experience the natural or reasonable
consequences for their actions. This is how they learn.
· Our sons and daughters always
live up to our expectations of them. If we continue to treat them as
children, they will continue to behave like children. If we treat them as
adults, they will behave like adults.
· Punishment ceases to work when we cease to be afraid of
the punishment. Rewards cease to work when we no longer value the reward. Both
are attempts to control and bring about obedience – which is a poor substitute
for good judgement.
· It’s not your job to demand obedience and compliance. It’s
your job to teach these young men and women to evaluate their own behaviour and
think for themselves.
· It’s not your job to make and enforce rules. It’s your job
to lead by example and to teach standards and principles.
· Self-esteem doesn’t come from others thinking well of you.
It comes from doing the best you can, always improving, and demonstrating
competence.
· Your son or daughter should not be the centre of your life. You
should be the centre of your life – and they should be the centre of
theirs.
· Maturity comes from knowing the only person’s behaviour
you can control is your own – and then controlling it!
· Those strong, overwhelming, overpowering emotions like
anger, sadness and rage – you can control
them! It starts by knowing you can feel them and not have to do anything with
them.
· Being a parent can be confusing and difficult at times.
You’re re-evaluating who you are and what you stand for – and that’s real work.
But if we expect our sons and daughters to do it, we must be prepared to do it ourselves.
· Treat your sons and daughters the way you want to be
treated – not the way they treat you. Somebody
has to end the war and be a decent human being, and it might as well be you.
· Work (at home or at a job) helps our sons and daughters in
four ways:
· It allows them to give back.
· It gives them a way to contribute to something bigger than
themselves.
· It gives them an opportunity to become competent at skills
that they’ll need in years to come.
· It fosters independence.
· It all works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s
not the end.
· Don’t blame your behaviour on your son’s or daughter’s
behaviour. You’re better than that.
· Your happiness depends on how you treat your sons and
daughters – not on how they treat you.
· It’s not up to your sons and daughters to make you look
good. Their behaviour cannot earn you the good opinion of others. Only your
behaviour can do that!
· Don’t hold your son or daughter to a higher standard of
behaviour than you hold yourself.
· Respect is not the same as fear, obedience or good
manners. Here’s how you get respect:
· Respect yourself.
· Respect others.
· There’s no other way!
· Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes
from bad judgement. This is how we
learn. Give you and your sons and daughters permission to gain experience!
· You and your spouse don’t have to be on the same page. And
if you insist on this, then who has the right page? If you differ, so much the
better. Now you can model respect for diversity: “People don’t have to agree
with each other to live harmoniously together.”
· When you rescue your son or daughter, what you’re really
saying is, “I’m not willing to let you experience the consequences of your
actions because I don’t believe you can
handle it and that scares me.” Allowing our sons and daughters to learn
from their mistakes will be uncomfortable from time to time. Deal with it! And
have some faith that they’re strong enough and capable enough to live in this
world.
· Your job is not to
teach by punishing, rewarding, nagging, lecturing and advising. Your job is to
teach by example, by listening, teaching them to self-evaluate, and allowing
them to learn from the logical and natural consequences of their actions (good
and not so good) – all within a respectful and supportive environment called home and family.
· What your son or daughter wants most from you is your
respect and your attention.
· If your decisions focus on respecting yourself and others
instead of controlling your sons and daughters and being right, they’ll always
work out.
· Other people’s relationships with each other are none of
your business, so stay out of the middle – no matter what. Leave the house, if
you must. This applies to all your
relationships, not just with your sons and daughters. Why? Because there’s no
way for you to win! You will have to choose sides, and that will compromise you
and damage at least one of your relationships.
· If you teach your sons and daughters how to think and how
to evaluate their own behaviour, you can trust your them to make choices in
their own best interest without the
threat of punishment or promise of reward.
· If nagging worked, no one would ever smoke, do drugs or
skip school.
· Your success as a parent isn’t measured by how successful
your sons and daughters are. It’s measured by your ability to respect them as
much as you respect your friends.
· Your weekly plan isn’t designed to bring about a change in
your son or daughter – although it may. Your weekly plan is designed to bring
about a change in you!
· There are things you can control and things you can’t
control. You can control what you do – but you can’t control the outcome.
· Never give up! It gets better! You can’t imagine how much
better it gets if you let it.
No comments:
Post a Comment