Amish Wisdom: Shunning

As my friendship with Martha has deepened over the last couple of years, I've come to know her values and what she stands for. And this has made it easier to ask what might otherwise be awkward questions.

I haven't had a TV in my home since June 2000, but even I have heard of Breaking Amish. And I have city friends who know I have Amish friends, and they wanted to know what the scoop was with this.

I know at least one of Martha and Isaac's kids left the Amish church and the Amish way of life. And from what I'd seen, it made no difference. They were as close as ever. So one day when Martha and I were out running errands, I asked her about it.

"Martha, I've heard that, if the kids leave the Amish way of life, their families and communities won't have anything to do with them. Is that true?"

"No. I don't know what they do in the States, but that doesn't happen much  here. Oh, some do, but most don't. Some people have this idea that if they disown them, the kids will come back, but from what I've seen, that just backfires. The kids feel hurt and dig in their heels and never come back. But the only people who seem to go that way are the ones who are trying to prove they're right."

There are degrees of leaving the Amish life. All Martha's kids are grown now and most are elsewhere (but relatively close by) raising families of their own. And not all have remained Old Order Amish. Most hold fast to many of the Amish traditions, beliefs, values, and dress, but have incorporated hydro, cell phones, and a car into their lives. Barns are still raised by a team of friends and neighbours. Laundry is still hung on the line to dry. And fields are still ploughed with horses.

One son has left the Amish ways completely. He runs his own business, and his household uses an electric stove and washer and dryer and has a TV. He also lives right next door to Martha and Isaac. In fact, their houses are attached. He's attentive and respectful with them, and still goes to Isaac for advice.

It's clear, from everything Martha has said and from everything I've observed, that, for them, the relationship is paramount and is the root of everything.