Shrug. "I think they're making a big mistake."
"Have you told them that?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"They haven't asked. If they wanted my opinion, they'd ask for it."
I was dumbfounded.
Have you ever had the experience of trying to have a friendly conversation with your teen, only to have him storm off angry and frustrated? And does it happen right after you offer your opinion?
In a fragile or strained relationship,
your opinion isn't the one that matters!
your opinion isn't the one that matters!
A dialogue doesn't have to be a two-way street. Sometimes it's just one person talking and one person listening.
If you want your teen to talk to you, you have to be willing to listen. Listening means giving your teen your undivided attention, the same as you would with a friend. It's not just a matter of being polite; it's a matter of being sincere - and sincerely interested.
That means not correcting her, arguing with her or setting her straight - even when she's wrong.
The best time to give your opinion?
When your teen asks for it!
3 comments:
Okay, but what about offering your teen a communication bridge so that she/he knows you're interested in receiving whatever she/he might have to say? ...
Cheers
Peter Holleley
in Toronto
Right on Sue.
I always think of my time and my experience, such as it is, as being valuable commodities which are in short supply. So I only give them out to people who make it clear they want some of them.
Too true - my son has a lot to say about what I'm doing or not...but when it comes to his friends he is exactly like your son.
And if I can borrow from Helen - I often think about what I've learned in her workshops - but I thought a lot about when she said (I'm paraphrasing) she has never regretted keeping her mouth shut but she has often regretted when she hasn't.
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