Six Things: A simple formula for creating healthy boundaries

Everybody knows what boundaries are:

Boundaries are limits I set
on other people's behaviour
that I expect them to respect and adhere to.

And every parent knows the language:

• "You can't ask for more money."
• "Don't ask me for a drive when I'm in the middle of making dinner."
• "Don't phone me after 11:00 at night."

But if these are the kind of boundaries you set, you're in for trouble, because you can't enforce them. They'll only work if others respect them, so you really have no control over them.

Here's an alternate definition of boundaries:

Boundaries are limits I set
on my own behaviour
that I respect and adhere to.

Compare these to the list above:

• "I'll give you this much money every week - this, and no more."
• "I won't drive you anywhere when I'm in the middle of making dinner."
• "I won't answer the phone after 11:00 at night."

Now you have clear boundaries that don't depend on anyone else for their success!

Fortunately, William Glasser has created a simple tool called "Six Things" that will put you back in control of your boundaries and let others know what they can - and can't - expect from you. Here's what you and others need to know about you in order for you to get along:

1.  Who you are.

2.  What you stand for.

3.  What you will do for and with them.

4.  What you will not do for them.

5.  What you will ask them to do.

6.  What you will not ask them to do.

This is a very simple, very powerful formula that you can use to set boundaries with anyone - but it does require some work and some thought. And you might want to consider leaving items off that you know you won't follow through on!