How to say "No!"

One mother I know is frequently abused by her kids: insults, swearing, verbal abuse, unreasonable demands, bullying - you name it, they've done it.

This can be a difficult cycle to break. Although none of us likes abuse, like anything else, we can become accustomed to it - and accustomed to ineffective ways of dealing with it.

So I was very interested to hear how she began to break the cycle. Here's a conversation she had with her abusive daughter:

I was out picking up groceries when my daughter called. "Mom, bring me back McDonald's!"

"Honey, I owe you an apology."

"For what?"

"For giving you the wrong impression."

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Well, clearly I've given you the impression that you can swear at me, threaten me and abuse me, and expect that I'll still buy you McDonald's, and I want to apologize for that."

She swore at me, then hung up.

I was impressed by how calm, confident and respectful she was throughout the exchange. It's likely not the end - but it's certainly a good start!

Another mom shared this story:

My daughter asked me to buy her cigarettes. I replied, "I will never buy anything that will contribute to the death of my child." And she never asked again!

Many years ago, when my oldest son was most challenging, I was having a particularly difficult day with him. That evening, he asked me to drive him somewhere, and I said no. When he asked why, I said, "Because if I were to do that, I'd feel bitter and resentful, and that wouldn't be good for my relationship with you." No idea where that came from, but it worked! He stood there speechless, then turned and walked away.

Share your best "No!" moments with us. What worked best for you?