Rights and Responsibility

A friend of mine provided me with some wonderful language last week on how to navigate rights and responsibilities at home.

First of all, let's not confuse rights with a privileges. Both are linked to responsibility, but they aren't the same: rights applies to everyone and are constant; privileges are negotiated on a case-by-case basis.

So here's what she did: She sat down with her son and asked him what he thought his rights were. And here's how a piece of that discussion went:

Son: I have a right to privacy.
Mom: Okay. So what does that mean to you?
Son: It means people don't go in my room, go through my things or take my stuff without asking.
Mom: Fair enough. And if that's a right for you, it would be a right for everyone else, too. So if you have a right to your privacy, what's your responsibility around privacy?

And it went from there into a discussion of each person's responsibility to respect the privacy of others.

So now you may be wondering: I have a right to use my car. And if a right is something that everyone's entitled to, does that mean I have to let my kids use the car whenever they want?

Let's look at the larger principle: Everyone has a right to use and enjoy what belongs to them, and they have the final say on whether or not they lend it to anyone else. And what applies to you applies equally to your children. So if you really, really want to borrow your daughter's earrings, you have to ask - but ultimately it's her decision.

Safety might be another issue: Everyone has the right to feel safe here. So what would that look like? And what would everyone's responsibility be around that?

Get creative! Talk to your kids: ask them what they think their rights are, and toss out ideas if they get stuck. Let them know that you're willing to support them in ensuring their rights - and the rights of others - are respected, and balanced with responsibility.